February 2012
6 posts
Rob Delaney: A 17 year old girl wrote me a message... →
robdelaney:
A 17 year old girl wrote me a message on Tumblr asking if it was “wrong” for her to have the same sense of humor as me.
Hi [REDACTED],
It’s very nice of you to write. The answer is no, it’s not wrong for a 17 year old girl like you to have the exact same sense of humor as me. I am DELIGHTED…
Game of Thrones valentine cards
bishopia:
Because I love you all (as friends) and I love Game of Thrones, I combined them both into some sweet valentine’s day cards for you to give to your sweetheart or favorite prostitute. Enjoy!
January 2012
13 posts
3 tags
WatchJohn Mulaney talks about the best meal he ever had. And this slays me. Every. Single. Time.
The Complete Cast For "Wet Hot American Live" at... →
mydamnchannel:
Cast David Wain — Narrator Michael Showalter — Coop/Alan Shemper Marguerite Moreau — Katie Michael Ian Black — McKinley Paul Rudd — Andy Christopher Meloni — Gene Molly Shannon — Gail von Kleinenstein Ken Marino — Victor Kulak Joe Lo Truglio — Neil Amy Poehler — Susie Samm Levine —…
Someday…. I will see all of these…. Some people dream of touring...
Jen Kirkman - comedian: What I Would Have Said... →
jenkirkman:
**I wrote this last night but was shy about publishing it. But I feel good about it today. Please forgive any grammar or spelling errors. I’m not the best editor. ** - Jen Kirkman
I was supposed to talk to the Larry Mantle show on NPR this week. They wanted to talk to me about the recent…
2 tags
4 tags
Sleep texting
I texted a message to my email the other night, to remember a dream I had. Apparently the pen and paper I keep by my bed (like I have since I could form words with crayons) wasn’t good enough. This was the message:
Nathan fillion burger tslkimg about sex laughing crtazy bride
And really, all I remember from that dream was Nathan Fillion. Cause, who wouldn’t?
“50 Cent did not disappoint. He ordered a grapefruit soda. The waiter brings him...”
– Aziz Ansari on Letterman last night, explaining his spotting of 50 Cent at a restaurant in NYC (via feyminism)
Mohandas Gandhi: Dear Customer who stuck up for... →
sweetupndown:
you thought I didn’t really notice. But I did. I wanted to high-five you.
Yesterday I had a pair of brothers in my store. One was maybe between 15-17. He was a wrestler at the local high school. Kind of tall, stocky and handsome. He had a younger brother, who was maybe about…
December 2011
10 posts
Why you should never drunk text a Whovian.
A friend of mine randomly got a drunk text from a stranger. She then did something that has earned my respect and awe. A transcript of her conversation follows. Some of this may be familiar to you.
Warning: VERY LONG. Also, words that I don't like have been bleeped out. Use your imagination.
[Transcript] Drunk Person: "tortyly drunk riht now. straight men everwhere."
Erykah: "Oh, thank God! I finally made contact! Listen, I need your help, but you're in great danger."
DP: "ni**a say wat?"
E: "Listen, my name's the Doctor. I'm a time traveler, or I was. I'm stuck in 1969 with my friend and I need your help to get my spaceship back."
DP: "u hav a spceshit?"
E: "Yes. It's a big blue box that says 'Police Call Box' on it."
DP: "dat doesnt sound liek a spceshp. gay."
E: "Hey! Don't diss the TARDIS!"
DP: "tarsiddd???"
E: "No. TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. You see, I'm a Time Lord from ANOTHER planet called Gallifrey."
DP: "y u not there now?"
E: "Well...A long time ago, there was a war and all my people died except for me. I'm the last Time Lord. So I travel through time and space lending a hand wherever I can."
DP: "woahhhh. thats relly sad."
E: "Yes, it is. But now is no time to cry. You're in a lot of danger and you need to help me."
DP: "waot. how r u in 1996?"
E: "I'm in 1969. And it's really complicated."
DP: "oh."
E: "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."
DP: "im cofussed."
E: "Well, try and keep up! Never mind the wibbly stuff. All that matters is that they've taken it! The angels have the phone box."
DP: "wut angels?"
E: "Have you ever seen like a statue of an angel? At a church or a cemetary or something?"
DP: "ya."
E: "Well, they're not angels. They're creatures from another worlds. Aliens like me, except they're very, very bad."
DP: "dat maeks sense. they alwys creepeed me out. i thought theyre jus statues tho."
E: "Good eye, you've got. But they're not. They're only statues when you're looking directly at them. Once you look away, they become deadly."
DP: "whaaa?"
E: "Listen, Lonely assassins, they were called. No-one knows where they came from. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long as they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when being observed. The moment they're seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes it can! Notice how they always look like they're crying in the cemetaries? They're always covering their eyes?"
DP: "dats nuts! ya, ive seen dat."
E: "There's a reason for that. They're not weeping, they can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry, I am very, very sorry, it's up to you now.
DP: "but wut can i do? tis was all thrustted uopn me!"
E: "The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever. The damage they can do can switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me!"
DP: "ahhhhhh!!! im scrrd! idk wut 2 do! im srsly gon hav a pnic attck."
E: I'm afraid I can't help you any further. I'm stuck in 1969, but I think you're clever enough to think of something. FIND THE BLUE BOX AND GET IT BACK TO ME! The angels have it and you NEED to find it or it's all going to be over."
DP: "dont go doctr! help me!11211!!"
E: "They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink! Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck!"
DP: "ik! angels hng out in gravyards rite? ill check thar 1st."
E: "Wherever you feel the need to look. I have no idea because I'm trapped 42 years in the past. Wherever you do go, just remember DON'T BLINK."
DP: "omfg. holy shit. i'll find teh box and teh angels and ill text u wen i find it. goodbi doctr. uve liked changgged me life."
[/Transcript]
Chickens get a reprieve on New Year's
Superstitious co-worker: Don't eat chicken on New Year's. It's very unlucky because chickens scratch backwards.
Me: That is what I have been doing wrong all these years! 2012 for the win!
Superstitious co-worker: I never knew. So glad the truth is out!
Seven books I read this year that I thoroughly...
1. Zombie Spaceship Wasteland — Patton Oswalt
2. Delirium — Lauren Oliver
3. Battle Royale — Koushun Takami
4. Bossypants — Tina Fey
5. That is All — John Hodgman
6. Monsters of Men — Patrick Hess
7. Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams at Home — Jeni Britton Bauer
“Many eulogizers have prefaced their obits with “love him or hate him…,” but...”
– Sean O’Neal puts it nicely in The AV Club.
In the end and at the end, Hitchens made me feel braver about most things, and especially non-existence, than any sermon ever could.
That is all.
(via areasofmyexpertise)
7 tags
Seven fictional characters I would ask WW_D for...
What would Hermione Granger do?
What would Leslie Knope do?
What would Olivia Dunham do?
What would Peeta Mellark do?
What would Rupert Giles do?
What would Fred Burkle do?
What would River Song do?
*Probably just if I was facing an evil noseless villian or world ending apocolypse or super big project that required a lot of red tape and boundless energy. I have a good head on my shoulders....
2 tags
2 tags
“This loops around to the theme expressed in the season premiere and in many of...”
– “Regional Holiday Music” | Community
Best Review/saddest day
COMMUNITY COME BACK :(
(via imitosis)
This was gorgeous. Thank you AV Club.
3 tags
“Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.”
– Jon Stewart (via fortheloveofsagan)
November 2011
18 posts
“If you’re gonna have pizza with someone else, what do you have to do? You gotta...”
– NY Times: Teaching Good Sex (via ffolkthepainaway)
A metaphor about pizza and sex? Perfect!
(via dreadhawkedmuckaround)
I’ve had people moan at me about failing because I didn’t finish my pizza but this is still excellent :)
1 tag
WatchAmy Poehler’s laugh is likely to be a component of the cure for cancer.
2 tags
“But when a saga popular with pre-adolescent girls peaks romantically on a night...”
– NPR’s Linda Holmes reviews Twilight Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1 (via diandrabird)
Yes. I fully admit to reading the books. They entertained me in a very popcorn flick way. This moment in the book made me turn on the whole thing, and find this abhorrent.
Perspective
If I ever say something trivial is *the worst*, like drinking that last cold sludgy sip of coffee or losing a sock or hangnails or sitting through a long meeting; scold me. Tell me to shut the fuck up.
“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved...”
– Maurice Sendak (via thatluciegirl)
Amazing story.
(via shandel)
I haven’t found a solid source for this quote yet, but it’s a lovely story. —Sarah (via npr)
6 tags
“I’m a science fiction writer, and one of the great stories of science fiction is...”
– John Scalzi
October 2011
3 posts
1 tag
1 tag
