John Mulaney talks about the best meal he ever had. And this slays me. Every. Single. Time.
Someday…. I will see all of these…. Some people dream of touring little humid islands when they get rich. Mine - go to all the comedy shows and festivals.
**I wrote this last night but was shy about publishing it. But I feel good about it today. Please forgive any grammar or spelling errors. I’m not the best editor. ** - Jen Kirkman
I was supposed to talk to the Larry Mantle show on NPR this week. They wanted to talk to me about the recent…
Adventure Plums, revisited.
Yeah, so I am going to talk more about my dreams, so keep on rolling if you are bored. It will be short and sweet. And illustrated.
Dream: Driving a patrol car in my home town when my dream-boss calls me and yells at me. Specifically that I need to get to work, and “get off my adventure plums.”
I think he meant balls.
My friend Matt illustrated it for me - safe for work style. And I adore him for it.
Update:
Nameless friend, who missed the whole ball metaphor thing tweets this in effort to be funny and start a trend:
“Thinks this day is great and all @jugglinggeese but really could benefit from some adventure plums #adventureplums ”
Yes, apparently I can. Follow up after I told him what I thought it meant:
Nameless friend: I thought this was just a silly plum thing. Now I just said this day needs balls.
I texted a message to my email the other night, to remember a dream I had. Apparently the pen and paper I keep by my bed (like I have since I could form words with crayons) wasn’t good enough. This was the message:
Nathan fillion burger tslkimg about sex laughing crtazy bride
And really, all I remember from that dream was Nathan Fillion. Cause, who wouldn’t?
I am actually late for something because I responded to this nice young man who wanted me to know he’d never stolen from me, but wondered what my policy on stealing from me was.
UPDATE: I am not angry with this particular young man.
Well, here you go.
The 1% on the Shoulders of the 99%
Korean sculptor and installation artist Do Ho Suh created this awesome installation, entitled Floor, that might not look like much until you get good and close to it. Glass plates rest on thousands of multicolored miniature plastic figures who are crowded together with their heads and arms turned skyward. Together, they support the weight of the individual visitor who steps onto the floor.
Currently showing at Lehmann Maupin’s pop-up gallery at the Singapore Tyler Print Institute (STPI) until February 11th, Floor is a wonderfully thought-provoking installation.
[via archiemcphee :: My Modern Metropolis]
The coolest imagery of the day. And it’s only 10 a.m.
(via chasewhiteside)
(Source: gooddialogue, via feyminism)
you thought I didn’t really notice. But I did. I wanted to high-five you.
Yesterday I had a pair of brothers in my store. One was maybe between 15-17. He was a wrestler at the local high school. Kind of tall, stocky and handsome. He had a younger brother, who was maybe about…
| A friend of mine randomly got a drunk text from a stranger. She then did something that has earned my respect and awe. A transcript of her conversation follows. Some of this may be familiar to you. | |
| Warning: | VERY LONG. Also, words that I don't like have been bleeped out. Use your imagination. |
| [Transcript] Drunk Person: | "tortyly drunk riht now. straight men everwhere." |
| Erykah: | "Oh, thank God! I finally made contact! Listen, I need your help, but you're in great danger." |
| DP: | "ni**a say wat?" |
| E: | "Listen, my name's the Doctor. I'm a time traveler, or I was. I'm stuck in 1969 with my friend and I need your help to get my spaceship back." |
| DP: | "u hav a spceshit?" |
| E: | "Yes. It's a big blue box that says 'Police Call Box' on it." |
| DP: | "dat doesnt sound liek a spceshp. gay." |
| E: | "Hey! Don't diss the TARDIS!" |
| DP: | "tarsiddd???" |
| E: | "No. TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. You see, I'm a Time Lord from ANOTHER planet called Gallifrey." |
| DP: | "y u not there now?" |
| E: | "Well...A long time ago, there was a war and all my people died except for me. I'm the last Time Lord. So I travel through time and space lending a hand wherever I can." |
| DP: | "woahhhh. thats relly sad." |
| E: | "Yes, it is. But now is no time to cry. You're in a lot of danger and you need to help me." |
| DP: | "waot. how r u in 1996?" |
| E: | "I'm in 1969. And it's really complicated." |
| DP: | "oh." |
| E: | "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff." |
| DP: | "im cofussed." |
| E: | "Well, try and keep up! Never mind the wibbly stuff. All that matters is that they've taken it! The angels have the phone box." |
| DP: | "wut angels?" |
| E: | "Have you ever seen like a statue of an angel? At a church or a cemetary or something?" |
| DP: | "ya." |
| E: | "Well, they're not angels. They're creatures from another worlds. Aliens like me, except they're very, very bad." |
| DP: | "dat maeks sense. they alwys creepeed me out. i thought theyre jus statues tho." |
| E: | "Good eye, you've got. But they're not. They're only statues when you're looking directly at them. Once you look away, they become deadly." |
| DP: | "whaaa?" |
| E: | "Listen, Lonely assassins, they were called. No-one knows where they came from. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long as they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when being observed. The moment they're seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes it can! Notice how they always look like they're crying in the cemetaries? They're always covering their eyes?" |
| DP: | "dats nuts! ya, ive seen dat." |
| E: | "There's a reason for that. They're not weeping, they can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry, I am very, very sorry, it's up to you now. |
| DP: | "but wut can i do? tis was all thrustted uopn me!" |
| E: | "The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever. The damage they can do can switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me!" |
| DP: | "ahhhhhh!!! im scrrd! idk wut 2 do! im srsly gon hav a pnic attck." |
| E: | I'm afraid I can't help you any further. I'm stuck in 1969, but I think you're clever enough to think of something. FIND THE BLUE BOX AND GET IT BACK TO ME! The angels have it and you NEED to find it or it's all going to be over." |
| DP: | "dont go doctr! help me!11211!!" |
| E: | "They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink! Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck!" |
| DP: | "ik! angels hng out in gravyards rite? ill check thar 1st." |
| E: | "Wherever you feel the need to look. I have no idea because I'm trapped 42 years in the past. Wherever you do go, just remember DON'T BLINK." |
| DP: | "omfg. holy shit. i'll find teh box and teh angels and ill text u wen i find it. goodbi doctr. uve liked changgged me life." |
| [/Transcript] |
| Superstitious co-worker: | Don't eat chicken on New Year's. It's very unlucky because chickens scratch backwards. |
|---|---|
| Me: | That is what I have been doing wrong all these years! 2012 for the win! |
| Superstitious co-worker: | I never knew. So glad the truth is out! |
